Here is Jake's composition for his high school senior English class.  At the bottom, concerning "the little things that people take for granted", he wanted to add "pooping and peeing", but Terri wouldn't let him. :) I warned Jake that "bubbler" would tag him as being from Milwaukee/SE Wisconsin but he said "that's what I call it so don't change it".

When this was written Jake was on a ‘nothing by mouth’ diet – he was fed via a tummy tube.  This lasted for almost a year.

Jacob Miller
2/19/01

The Things I Carry

In my life before my accident, I carried things like a typical teenager. I physically carried things in my hands, on my shoulder in a book bag, or in my friend’s car. The things I carried emotionally were worries such as how I was going to buy my next pack of cigarettes or how I could have my next cigarette without getting caught. I also worried about how I was going to buy my own car and how late my mom was going to let me stay out that night. Trying to cut class without anyone finding out was top on the list also.

Now in my life, I carry those two things very differently. I physically carry things in my bag on the back of my wheelchair, and I mentally or emotionally carry things on my shoulders. I will begin by talking about the physical things I now carry.

My bag contains essential items for my life. These items consist of books and my calculator for my education, physical therapy devices for helping me get stronger, and my cans of food for my nutritional needs to stay healthy. There are also bandages for dressing changes of my drain hole in my neck. I sometimes carry a few things for my amusement such as a picture of the drain hole to gross people out, and my remote control fart machine, which my mom will not let me bring to school.

The things I carry mentally on my shoulders are very different, and much deeper. The biggest thing I carry mentally is wondering "what if". What if I would have stayed home the night of my accident? What if I would have went with a different friend that night? What if I wouldn’t have dove into that lake that one last time? Would my life be the same as it was before that night, or could it have turned out worse than it did? I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. If I hadn’t gone swimming that night, would something more dreadful have happened to me instead?

Some of the other things I carry on my shoulders are smaller questions. Would I still have drifted apart from some of my friends like I did, if I wasn’t paralyzed? Would I have gone down the same wrong path as some of my friends have? Will I ever walk again? Will I ever get the full use of my hands back again? Will I be able to have tendon transfer surgery to regain tricep use?

Most of these questions I handle by taking one day at a time. I know that I may never know the answer to the biggest "what if" questions, as well as some of the smaller ones. But, I do know that I’m happy to be alive, and very grateful for what I do have. I have learned to accept the things that I cannot change. I also have learned that life is not always fair, and you don’t always get your own way. I’ve also developed a great appreciation for little things that most people take for granted, such as eating pizza or even being able to drink out of the bubbler.